The World Community for Christian Meditation 11th Step Practice St. Mark's, Myddelton Square London EC1R 1XX England, UK +44 0207 278 2070 Email: info@christianmeditation11step.org www.christianmeditation11step.org |
| Each month a member of our community will write a reflection on how the practice of Christian Meditation has helped deepen their Step 11 Practice and point to a deeper understanding of the step and John Main's Teaching . |
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of
ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he
usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this
selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often
seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Alcoholics
Anonymous (New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc, 4th Ed., 2001),
p. 62.
Each time I sit down to meditate, I deal with my self-will and selfishness. I have
come to recognize that each meditation period represents a choice: a choice
between separation or wholeness, between doing life my way or leaving room for
God’s way, between self-will and self-centeredness or “the peace that passeth all
understanding.” John Main tells us:
If our motivating force is self-will, we live in the prison of our own desires and
disappointments. If, on the other hand, we have turned away from this force and
are motivated by the divine will, we are swept into a liberty without frontiers in
which everything in our experience is transformed into gift with epiphanies. John
Main, OSB, The Present Christ: Further Steps in Meditation (London: Dartman,
Longman and Todd Ltd 1985), p. 80.
It sounds so wonderful to contemplate being “swept into a liberty without
frontiers,” but the price for that is the silencing of the demands of my ego. And
just how do I that?
There is a way. It is so simple and direct that we can walk unbelievingly straight
past it. Meditation allows us to leave that cycle of egoism by unhooking us, little
by little, from the self-centredness which has us believe the illusion that we
would be happy if we could get everything we want. Meditation helps us to
unlearn the patterns of behavior based on that illusion, and therefore meditation
very radically changes your life. You will change the way you live as a result of
meditation because it will change the way you relate to yourself, to others, to
your work. It will introduce a new spirit of love into your life. Laurence
Freeman, OSB, The Selfless Self (New York: Continuum 1998), p. 20.
But, the problem is that--
The moment we start to meditate the ego goes into action. It does not like us
entering the level where we will meet the self, where we will be out of its total
control….The reason the ego plays these games and strongly resists the pull to
silence is that it fears change…When we try to take the plunge into silence, the
ego will emphasize and increase awareness of thoughts as a barrier to going
deeper. It encourages us to identify with these surface thoughts and emotions.
Their mad dance is meant to drive us to distraction, and to despair, so that we
assume meditation is not for us. And yet, if we persevere, gaps will appear
between our thoughts—doors to enter the silence. Kim Nataraja, Dancing With
Your Shadow (USA: Medio Media 2006), p. 89.
Just keep on doing it, no matter how imperfectly, no matter what happens. For
me, meditation is essential as a constant reminder of what “turning my will and
my life over to the care of God” means in my life. A twice daily practice of
meditation is a concrete way, each day, that I can practice putting aside
completely my wants, desires, dreams, and activities, and rest in God. It is too
easy for me to SAY I have turned my will and my life over to the care of God, and
then go on about my own business. If I stop twice a day to connect with my
Source, then I remind myself of who is really in charge.
When I find I cannot meditate twice a day, I use that as information as to where I
am on “turning it over” for that day. What has become more important than doing
my meditation? I used to feel guilty about missing my meditation, but just as with
AA, what we seek is progress, not perfection. For me, there has been much
starting and stopping and starting again with meditation. However, I cannot make
a frontal assault on my desire to meditate twice a day, wrenching my life around
to force a result. That is too much the way I operated when I was drinking, and it
was never successful. Twice-daily meditation is not just another goal to be
achieved, or another thing to acquire. Rather, it is a daily practice of the
transformation of my will into God’s will. While I have to make my best effort to
make myself available for meditation times, I must also accept the paradox that my
very ability to meditate twice daily is a gift from God. As we say in AA, I must do
the best I can and leave the results to God.
Anne S., Houston Texas.
ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he
usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this
selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often
seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Alcoholics
Anonymous (New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc, 4th Ed., 2001),
p. 62.
Each time I sit down to meditate, I deal with my self-will and selfishness. I have
come to recognize that each meditation period represents a choice: a choice
between separation or wholeness, between doing life my way or leaving room for
God’s way, between self-will and self-centeredness or “the peace that passeth all
understanding.” John Main tells us:
If our motivating force is self-will, we live in the prison of our own desires and
disappointments. If, on the other hand, we have turned away from this force and
are motivated by the divine will, we are swept into a liberty without frontiers in
which everything in our experience is transformed into gift with epiphanies. John
Main, OSB, The Present Christ: Further Steps in Meditation (London: Dartman,
Longman and Todd Ltd 1985), p. 80.
It sounds so wonderful to contemplate being “swept into a liberty without
frontiers,” but the price for that is the silencing of the demands of my ego. And
just how do I that?
There is a way. It is so simple and direct that we can walk unbelievingly straight
past it. Meditation allows us to leave that cycle of egoism by unhooking us, little
by little, from the self-centredness which has us believe the illusion that we
would be happy if we could get everything we want. Meditation helps us to
unlearn the patterns of behavior based on that illusion, and therefore meditation
very radically changes your life. You will change the way you live as a result of
meditation because it will change the way you relate to yourself, to others, to
your work. It will introduce a new spirit of love into your life. Laurence
Freeman, OSB, The Selfless Self (New York: Continuum 1998), p. 20.
But, the problem is that--
The moment we start to meditate the ego goes into action. It does not like us
entering the level where we will meet the self, where we will be out of its total
control….The reason the ego plays these games and strongly resists the pull to
silence is that it fears change…When we try to take the plunge into silence, the
ego will emphasize and increase awareness of thoughts as a barrier to going
deeper. It encourages us to identify with these surface thoughts and emotions.
Their mad dance is meant to drive us to distraction, and to despair, so that we
assume meditation is not for us. And yet, if we persevere, gaps will appear
between our thoughts—doors to enter the silence. Kim Nataraja, Dancing With
Your Shadow (USA: Medio Media 2006), p. 89.
Just keep on doing it, no matter how imperfectly, no matter what happens. For
me, meditation is essential as a constant reminder of what “turning my will and
my life over to the care of God” means in my life. A twice daily practice of
meditation is a concrete way, each day, that I can practice putting aside
completely my wants, desires, dreams, and activities, and rest in God. It is too
easy for me to SAY I have turned my will and my life over to the care of God, and
then go on about my own business. If I stop twice a day to connect with my
Source, then I remind myself of who is really in charge.
When I find I cannot meditate twice a day, I use that as information as to where I
am on “turning it over” for that day. What has become more important than doing
my meditation? I used to feel guilty about missing my meditation, but just as with
AA, what we seek is progress, not perfection. For me, there has been much
starting and stopping and starting again with meditation. However, I cannot make
a frontal assault on my desire to meditate twice a day, wrenching my life around
to force a result. That is too much the way I operated when I was drinking, and it
was never successful. Twice-daily meditation is not just another goal to be
achieved, or another thing to acquire. Rather, it is a daily practice of the
transformation of my will into God’s will. While I have to make my best effort to
make myself available for meditation times, I must also accept the paradox that my
very ability to meditate twice daily is a gift from God. As we say in AA, I must do
the best I can and leave the results to God.
Anne S., Houston Texas.
| CHRISTIAN MEDITATION AS AN ELEVENTH STEP PRACTICE |
> Site map
| THE WORLD COMMUNITY FOR CHRISTIAN MEDITATION |